Superliciously!

What a great word!!! Beyond delicious....better than scrumptious....far above yummy! Thinking back to a Thursday afternoon....when it was so superliciously wonderful that there was no time for whipped cream....

Love it!!!

"Brooms don't fly themselves you know."

I read this on another blog...I love it!!! This gal was giving herself permission to be a 'witch'....What a great attitude!

Working Together

"If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come here because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." *
Lilla Watson, Australian Aboriginal woman, 2000.

Melancholy

I'm feeling rather melancholy the last few days. I just wake up some days and there it is. I can't put my finger on it. Who knows why really? These things seem to come in cycles and I feel like it takes a while to sort through the emotional pile sometimes. I tend to push things aside and let them go until I can somehow make sense of them or deal with them. I'm doing a lot of dealing it seems right now.

I feel the deep and urgent need to pray but a lot of times it feels like I'm praying to a blank wall. I got the feeling last night that I wanted someone to pray with me. I got to thinking and wondering who do I know that I would trust with my truths who would pray with me? Actually I know several people who would be good with prayer with me but they don't know my truths and certainly I know they would judge me. There are some truths I don't think I could actually even write here. I have a few online friends who I know would pray with me, not judge me and would actually be perfect for me....but.....I feel the need to have the person here with me in person.

I'm the cook

I'm the cook and my emotional life is the soup. So, while I stir, I keep adding ingredients. Check the taste. Does it need a little more compassion? A dash of independence? Maybe a hint of anger? Stir some more and consider what has gone into the base of the soup: years and years of experience, feelings, joys and sorrows. Looks like I've really got something cooking!

Ruth vs Ruthless

I've noticed that the word truth is just 'ruth' with a 't' in front of it......and ruthless is just 'ruth' with 'less' at the end? When I am 'truth' I get along better....but when I am ruthless...I am merely less than myself

Liberty

I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
Thomas Jefferson

Precious

You are more PRECIOUS and WONDERFUL than you may ever know. I try not to be afraid or ashamed of who and what I am, because deep down, I am a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN just like you.
Anon

Some Fools Never Learn

Song by Steve Wariner...

Some fools never learn
Play with the fire
And you're gonna get burned
Its only love
When your love is returned

What makes a person think they are 'in love'? Can it only be 'in love' if it's actively returned? There's 'love' and there's 'in love'... Sometimes I have a difficult time distinguishing between the two...and that's when I get burned. If I'm going to play with fire.....I want some marshmellows!!!

My First-born Niece...

I love you very deeply too, Aunt Ruth. You never turned your back on me when I was going through hard times, thank you. You are the best Aunt anyone could
ever have!
Love,
Maralee

fi yuo cna raed tihs...

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Awesome child...

Yesterday when we woke up....Megan climbed into the bed into my arms and was face to face with me. She was wishing me good morning and was wiping the sleep from my eyes for me.... Megan said said she was getting the strings from my eyes that hold the sleepy in. It never ceases to amaze me of how much love and innocence she has. If I only convey to both my grand daughters how much they are loved....I will have done my job.

Free from the past

You don't need to run away from the past. For it's already quickly receding behind you.

If you've had a wonderful and fulfilling past, it is now time to move forward. If you've had a difficult and troubling past, it is now time to move forward.

Whatever the past may or may not have been, it is now over. Choose to not let it hold you back for any reason.

Are your thoughts filled with regret, resentment, sorrow or anger for what has already been? The sooner you let go and move on, the better your life will be.

Cherish the past, take wisdom from the past, but don't let the past become your prison. Free yourself to move forward in a positive, fulfilling way.

If there's one thing you have learned from the past, it is that life is precious. Now is when you can fully realize and experience the precious life you are in.

Ralph Marston

Time Inside and Out

Time Inside and Out
rlp - 05/15/06
for JDR

You are such an important part of me
Inside and out
Laughter... Lovemaking...Friendship...
Nothing compares with just your time...
The time of waking up early and just drinking coffee
The companionship...the discourse....
The sleepy hairscrambled sandinyoureyes waking
The looking out at the world from the same place at a moment of time
The times of hellos and howareyous and howwasyourday
The door left unlocked for you to slip into a cozy world of peace and relaxation
The time stolen just to talk
The easiness of the friendship
The bareassed naked truths shared
and
yes
The time of the quickpeckofakissofgoodbyeplantedonbothlipsatthesametime
One more of these kisses with the laughter to get it just right time
These are deeply parts of me/you I wouldn't have wanted to miss
These are deeply parts of me/you I don't want to give up
These are deeply parts of me/you

Touched

Well, I was touched this evening for what I can remember the first time in my life (other than my child and grand children) and it felt good. Another human being actually placed his hands on my skin and touched me. Touched me! It was so unreal to me. I enjoyed it. I didn't run scared....I didn't cringe and my skin didn't crawl. The touching monster didn't come and eat me all up. It was a comforting touch...so soft and gentle...just like I had imagined it would be if it ever happened someday. I didn't have to ask to be touched....it just was. I hope I can have touching in my life from my friends in the future. If not, I do have this memory finally! Maybe someday I can hope to be held. Thank you AB for this wonderful experience to my life...

Gifts

Words to me from VM - 01/01/01

You see you never know who you will meet from one day to another, each sunrise is a gift and each sunset is a closure, and all the sunrises and sunsets can not make up for one moment of peace in your heart.

Have peace in your heart, love those more than you, smile at each person you meet, take care of the earth and it will bring fortunes of beauty back to you, love your children and hug them each day and bless each day as if it were the last one.

Dear Ruth, remember to keep your chin up and be kind to yourself as we all love you and keep the trust in Him. Remember each lost soul here on earth bring moans from the world regardless of who they are but the heavens rejoice.

The next time you feel a breeze that will be me passing in the wind. Trust me my dear Ruth, everything will be ok. I will be watching over you no matter the distance. Know luv, keep me in your thoughts and trust in me as I know how things turn out and it is good. When you feel warmth tonite in your place of rest that will be me next to you helping you sleep in comfort. When you go to rest, the warmth will be me next to you for your comfort in the night ahead.

Maybe...

I received this a few years back....I think these are wise words no matter the year or the circumstances:


Maybe...God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe...when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe...it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along
their way.

Maybe...the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe...you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do.

Maybe...there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Maybe...the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe...you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe...you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe...giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe...happiness waits for all those who cry all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe...you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Maybe...you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy.

And the last maybe.....when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Maybe...you should try to live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

A Being Within Ourselves

Michael Podesta Graphic Design in Suffolk, VA creates beautiful images with calligraphy and appropriately chosen prose. In "Desert" Podesta celebrates life and hope.

"If, as Herod, we fill our lives with things, and again with things, if we consider ourselves so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action, when will have time to make the long, slow journey across the desert as did the Magi? Or sit and watch the stars as did the Shepherds? Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary? For each one of us there is a desert to travel, a star to discover, and a being within ourselves to bring to life."

http://www.michaelpodesta.com/catalog/home.php

Sensitive men...give me a break!

Some men know exactly what they are doing to/with a woman. They attempt to manipulate me... setting up boundaries so that they can box me in emotionally... then use me at his will... They come in the backdoor pretending to be 'sensitive' to women. They learn where my emotional hot buttons are and start pressing them... after emotionally hog tieing me... They can only fuck someone they emotionally crippled first... It's a 'security' issue with this type of man... They only feel secure when they've got you in traction first... The man is then in control.. it's a control issue with him. I should have 'Hi, I'm the poster child for the emotionally vulnerable' tattoed on my ass...

Being an assertive woman is difficult, but essential. Men can no longer just beat the crap out of women to be in control...they have to be 'emotionally' manipulative. These types create negotiations, boundaries..their own image of hurt and vulnerability that women find attractive yet end up being snared into bondage.

I'm getting much better at identifying losers . The only thing that should stand out is WHAT CAN HE DO FOR YOU?... and he should live INTO that. A good man is one who doesn't share his life with a woman, but gives it to her.

The Cost of Loving You

The Cost of Loving You
rlp
5/15/05

I've got my memories
You've had my heart
I've grown over the years we've been together
You say you don't want to be with me
You want to be on your own
You say you don't know why
You say you're ruining my life
I'm supposed to smile as you walk out the door
Does this smile help you not feel guilt?
You want to be friends you say
You say you love me and that part didn't change
Once we were lovers
Now we're mere friends

You want me to watch you walk away
You want to keep me hanging on so that you can say you were noble
The cost of loving you Is Losing Me

Making a difference...

"Each of us is put here in this time and this place to personally decide the future of humankind. Did you think you were put here for something less?"

Chief Arvol Looking Horse

Disposable

Some days I feel disposable...right or wrong...I just do...

Disposable

dis·pos·a·ble
adj.
Designed to be disposed of after use: disposable diapers; disposable razors. Free for use; available.

n.
An article, such as a paper diaper or hypodermic syringe, that can be disposed of after one use.

n.
A person of no value to another or others, who can be tossed aside after one use or many uses when she has no more to give or be taken from...not renewable...nothing worth holding on to...thrown away...not kept.

And another thing....

How do I love someone or not love someone? I've found I don't have much in between with these feelings. I either do or I don't. I can't say I ever stop loving. I may not have the person in my life still. I may find that I simply don't love someone any longer. But, more cases than not, I still love. Maybe not love as strongly as before, but I still care very deeply. It's just the way it is for me. I can feel what I want to feel...it's my feelings. Others can feel the way they want to...it's no skin off my nose. I feel what's right for me.

Women and Whores

Things are different in today's world than they were in our mother's day....grandmother's day...back to the beginning of time?

If a woman today is sexually active...if she is practicing what men have practiced forever in time, she's labeled a whore. If a man wants to be promiscuous and have multiple partners....or plainly put....'screw around', he's a stud. If a woman wants to enjoy sex with different partners, heaven forbid! She's a whore. Who gave us these rules? What right does ANY man have to sit as judge and jury? We women know the 'look'...we know the words of a man's judgement or condemnation. Aren't these the same men who go through hoops trying to bed us women?

How long are we supposed to go between lovers? Is there a certain time frame where we become virgins again? Is there a certain time frame where we are 'fair game' or suddenly 'clean again'? Is the male ego so dang fragile that they have to think they are the 'one and only' while they are saying out the side of their mouth that they don't want to commit to a monogamous relationship? What's good for the goose should be good for the gander?

The bottom line is no one has the right to judge another person. More importantly, no one has the right to judge me. What I do or don't do is no one's business but my own. And those who think they can judge me? They can kiss my ass.

Angels Speaking

This is something I ran across on the internet. I've had this happen to me most of my life but more so after my mom's death in 1992. Before her death...a few clear instances but more so fragmented thoughts and visions. Nothing I could control or quite understand. After her death, suddenly everything is so very clear! Sometimes a picture in my mind...total and complete. Sometimes it's words....never hearing actual speaking....more like the vivid memory of a conversation. I do however get sudden 'shouting' at me when I'm in danger...it's more like 'STOP, stay still!'. Yes and the feathers and gut instincts. A lot of times it's a friend telling me somthing out of the blue that I need to hear. Amazing what angels give to us...and yes...I believe in Angels....

"Angels speak to you through wordless impressions that you receive in your mind. You're able to mentally ask for information or help and receive it as Divine instructions that suddenly appear in your thoughts.

Angels speak to you through words that you hear inside or outside your mind. As long as the voice is loving and asks you to improve a situation, it's Heaven's way of speaking directly to you.

Angels speak to you through mental visions; signs that you witness with your physical eyes, repeating number sequences; finding coins; seeing colors around people. Trust your visions, they're Heavens's way of speaking to you.

Angels speak to you through your heart and body. You feel joy as an indicator that you are on the right path, dread as a sign that changes and healing are necessary, trust that gut feeling...it's Heaven's way of speaking to you."

http://home.mindspring.com/~giftsofthespirit/id2.html

Best Friend

How can you say someone is your best friend? Or you, their best friend? My friend Booger used to get so upset when I wouldn't acknowledge that he was my best friend as he considered me his. Although I loved him dearly, I would tell him Charlotte is my best friend...that only a woman can be that deeply a friend to another woman. And yes, Charlotte IS my best friend and has been for over 30 years. But, I have to take into consideration that Shirley has been my best friend for about a year later than Charlotte.

I guess we qualify 'best friend' to someone who we feel such a strong connection to...who we would share our deepest secrets with...who loves us unconditionally as we love them. We have qualified 'best friend' to the level we had when we were in grade school...then junior high school and finally in high school. Back then, you could only have one best friend.

I just can't do that now....have only one best friend. I read somewhere that if you have one such best friend, to consider yourself lucky. I wonder what word could describe something beyond lucky for I surely am living it. My brother Oren is beyond best friend but I do have to consider him as a best friend. He just turned 55 and I remember so very clearly when he was brought home from the hospital after his birth and waking from a nap and seeing him in his crib. He became my best friend from that moment for I felt a love for him that is beyond description to me, even now. We have never had one argument and no need to. There is nothing he doesn't know about me.....and loves me the beyond reason anyway. And I know everything about him and the feeling is mutual. This friendship is beyond phenominal!

Then I have to consider my cousin Earl my best friend.....52 years of his loyalty and love....Then Dian and over 20 years of her friendship and her knowing the exact second I need her support and caring...And Jo Ann who I neglect sorely but know that in my heart of hearts....she will always be my best friend...And then there's Bob, and John, and Sylvia, and Lonnie, and Dena, and Debbie, and Doyle, and Rodina, and Lisa, and Jeff, and Brenda, and Margaret, and Jen, and David H, and David K, and Dave G, and Craig, and sometimes Ben, and Jerry, and Rose, and Kathy, and Mike, and Paul, and Toby, and Gayle/Maralee/Andy/Randy, and BJ, and Sandy, and Missy and, and, and I probably am leaving out some more. How can I be so very lucky to have these people as my best friends? They all know me and my heart and love me anyway. I could ask any one of them for anything and they would be there for me as I would them. It doesn't matter if I've known them a minute or a lifetime. When we made the connection, it was instant. And....the really funny and strange thing about it all...each and everyone of them (with the exception of Oren and Craig) picked me first....they came into my life and struck up the first conversation...the first initiation of getting to know me.

Yes, some of these people I don't see or talk to them on a daily basis...but they are my best friends none the less. I can count on their hearts and hands to hold me....to wrap their arms around me and be there for me no matter what. Now how could I find a word that could describe 'lucky'? These people make me beyond 'lucky'. These people make me blessed.

Don't expect...

Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
Anon

My friend R

I have a girlfriend named R. I've known her for about 3 years. She was a girlfriend to a former friend of mine who turned out to be a sleazeball but that's another story....

R is from Arkansas and has made a living or survived by being a hooker and/or dancer since she was about 13 years old. A very pretty gal...when they talk about a woman being built like a brick shit house....I"m here to tell you, this gal has about the most beautiful set of bricks on the face of this earth. Then she opens her mouth....it becomes very obvious that she has led a really rough life and might have a 3rd grade education..but that would be stretching it. Her heart however, has a P.H.D. in the fine art of being a good person.

She called me tonight to let me know that she has safely moved back into Texas down near Houston with her latest boyfriend. She tells me he is a good man to her and plans on buying her all sorts of stuff which includes a log cabin and some land and some dogs to keep her safe. She told me they got into a fight a few weeks back and she only broke his nose and one finger. She told me awhile back that he is so good to her....how much she loves him...and added 'he don't pimp me out or beat me too much'. Cringe.

She had called me one time to ask my advice on how to help make him last longer and not to ejaculate too soon. She said in all seriousness....'I ain't never had to worry about that before.' I had to laugh....no, I thought.....time is money and the faster she could get the guy off, the more money she made.

What I'm getting at here is this: We all set our boundaries of who we love and for what reason we love. We all set our boundaries of what we will take or put up with from another person. We all have our problems that are so very real to ourselves. I have no room to judge what R does for a living or how she survives. That she considers me her best friend and confidant makes me feel honored. She knows in her heart of hearts that she is every bit as good a person as I am and that I am every bit as good a person as she is. We love who we love for whatever reason we love them. There's always room to love just one more person and no one is going to tell us who we can or can not love.

Oh...he's going to buy her some new teeth she says....the last boyfriend knocked all her's out. Bless her heart and soul!

PTSD

It was suggested to me that I might have PTSD....I looked it up and perhaps I MIGHT.
http://www.sidran.org/ptsdbrochure.html

The insomnia and flashbacks are certainly there. Total avoidance of something that would remind me of the events is there. The continual nightmares are there. It bugs the hell out of me that I am so very afraid of Sylvia touching me in a massage. It's been suggested more than once that a massage or two would help me with my so very painful shoulder. That the thought of it instantly makes me cry....But it fits! Every time I think about her giving me a massage, I get this vision of my mom holding me down during my abuse and I panic inside...the feeling of screaming and running away as fast as I can....it's there. I was thinking it had more to do with my dad and then later Ben's wreck and how it destroyed our marriage.... I was thinking it had more to do with my lifelong abuse. Maybe it's a combination of all of it.

I witnessed it first hand with my brother when he came back from Vietnam for over 17 years. It never occurred that it might have something to do with me!

Sylvia has never once not been a friend to me. I feel safe with her in general. When she hugs me and kisses me hello or goodbye, I don't feel panic...it feels like just a genuine hug and kiss from a friend...it's comforting.

The fact of recognizing it and perhaps the literature I can order might help...plus there should be so much online. Just the knowlege of it maybe being the cause is power to me....power of my continual fight to become whole and get past my anger of the abuse and my two abusive marriages. I think I have been given a new window of understanding and power after looking this up on the net. It may or may not be correct but it certainly is worth looking into. I'm not looking to feel sorry for myself nor am I looking for attention. I can't change the events of my life. But, I CAN keep continuing to gain the power to overcome all these 'life challenges' as I put it.

I KNOW I can win! It just takes time. I will study this.

JenBB

I'm SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU Jen!!!
when I first met you.....
you were in such a limited mental place
you were so easy for D to capture you
he never meant to use you
I know this
but it happened
there WERE times he was proud of you and you DID give him something he didn't have
and if not for you, he wouldn't have grown to the point that he could make things right with God and himself even if he won't admit your part
YOU gave himself back
this is good
in the process, it hurt you
but you have come out of the fire just fine
but also....
I've seen you come from a limited place inside yourself
and in your language abilities
I KNEW you had it in you....but you didn't
when we first started chatting....
you couldn't say a complete sentence
you couldn't conjugate verbs
no offense....but you sounded like you didn't have a high school education
but then you started talking to me
started pouring your heart out
started learning from my writing
started loving me and feeling for me and my problems...
you got outside of yourself
then you started school to better yourself
and Jen...you have come so fucking far!!
Look at you!!
You are writing things with thought and plan
You are writing poetry!!!!
you will even see growth in your poetry
I knew it was there
no woman can have that much love in her heart to be stupid or dumb
you were just not flowering
you are in full bloom!
you are thinking and doing FOR YOURSELF now Jen!!!
I love you Jen
I loved you when you were 'uneducated'....
and I love you still....
but
I'm so proud of you becoming YOU
and you will still travel far
You're a good woman Jen

Good words to live by

Love isn't always straightforward and easily classifiable. The ways and means of passion are as myriad as people themselves. Understand the subtle differences and be open to them all.

Eureka!!

I have discovered a wonderful peanut butter! I've enjoyed Smucker's Peanut butter for some time. It's 'natural' and like fresh ground peanuts. Delicious! Yesterday I was at the grocery store and was getting a jar of Smuckers off the shelf....and I saw a new Smuckers that is Honey Peanut Butter! I had some of it today and it is absolutely wonderful!!! Life is grand!

My Choices....or better put....and I shaved my legs for this???

I don't have a great track record making choices where it comes to men. I can see an improvement but I have so far to go. I have the voices inside my head that are self depracating and I'm pretty hard on myself. It's not that I haven't learned to love myself....it's more that I'm digging myself out of the hole of abuse and control that I've had for the first 52 years of my life. I keep choosing men who don't see my worth....they don't see my heart...who am I kidding....they don't even try. It all starts out so wonderfully and I'm a giving person....oh, the men think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread each time....but it always ends up with them using me and throwing me away. All but two I've developed and maintained friendships, (and good friendships also) but they have no desire to love me and keep me....to cherish me. Maybe it's my habit to ask for nothing for myself and settle for less. All I know is that I now can't do it any longer....I can't and don't desire even the continued friendships after the 'love affair' is over any longer. I don't even want to be bothered most times. They didn't really care for me when they had me I find....so why should I give them my friendship? Why should I care for them? Not one damned reason!

I keep feeling like there's a piece of the puzzle missing and I just can't find it. I guess my latest decisions seem to be working better for me. I have my male friends who I enjoy the friendships and the conversations and the companionship and I have my lovers....I keep them separate in my heart. If a man isn't assertive enough to initiate a physical relationshp with me....I'm not about to ask or beg. I can dance that dance for a lifetime and they will never know I desire them. Their loss. But if they can muster up the courage to express their desire and be willing to give back to me....I'll damned sure give as good as I get.

Once a lover is only a friend, there is no more sex between us. Oh, they ask...but either a man is my lover and friend or he is my friend only. I do not have sex with my friends for any reason. I've tried the exclusive relationships and I always get burned on this one. It's now about me and what pleasures a man can give me. It feels good to be desired for what ever reason. I'm not looking for 'love' or a permanent relationship any longer....either it happens or it doesn't. I really don't care any longer what the reason a man desires me...I'm not expecting anything of them and certainly don't feel 'loved' by them...I'll enjoy the pleasures of each man and of each day. If and when there is a man who is man enough to see me and my heart and put a ring on my finger, I'll give my all. Until then... and fortunately for me....there are so many men....so little time!

Where do I start?

There's so much in my head and heart to say....sometimes I go dry for a few days and then somedays I can't get enough out! I want so much that what I write will give some insight to me and my thoughts and my heart to not only my daughter and grand daughters but more generations of my descendants. All of it. I want them to know I'm a woman with hopes and dreams and desires....and that I have so much to give them and about the people I've known, I know now and will know. I want them to know so much so that they can make decisions that will be better for them than the choices I've made....the relationships I've settled for....my struggle to become a fully functional woman who desires and is desired. I'm no beauty by any stretch of the imagination nor am I the smartest woman around town....but I have something I want to tell them. Nothing exacly.....but things and thoughts I have or have been written about me. I know I've touched on this subject every once in a while....but the burning is still here stronger that it was at first... Maybe they will 'get it'...maybe they won't....but they will definitely know things about me that give them a window of what my life has been so far.

A nice pat on the back...

Ruth, thank you so much for being my friend and listening to me ramble on about my situation. I've learned a lot from you and you have given me great advice & support. Your friendship is valued more than you know. DM