New All-Time Favorite Joke

This joke just plain strikes me funny....

A couple just got married, and when the husband went back to his house he found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success. Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hasn't been home for so long.

She replied: "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."

The husband answered: "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?"

"I am only here to get something to eat."

Some Pointer's for Women

Can't help but reciprocate...and my friend C has some really good points....

http://myredhead.blogspot.com

Collage and Bumper Cars!!

'Having great sex is more of a collaborative effort. If it were art, it would be a collage, if it were an amusement park attraction, it would be bumper cars.'

I was just reading a sex forum posting and came across this 'quote' and was one of those 'ah ha' moments! This is definitely a subject to explore for each and every one of us and certainly for me.

You know you love her....

I saw this posted on another site....sure are pretty words....can't imagine it tho...

You know you love her when her mere presence lights up your day. You know you love her when her happiness infects your being, or when you feel her sadness as your own. You know you love her, when sexual pleasure ceases to be merely physical, and you become lost in a sharing of souls. You know you love her when you cannot bear even the thought of being without her. You know you love her when you can contemplate breaking your own heart for her sake. You know you love her when you should, but cannot. Maybe, then, you know something about yourself.

Hold on to a friend

Each of us is a vital thread in another person's tapestry....our lives are woven together for a reason. One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend!

Anon

Footprints in the sand

A partial IM conversation I had with dtf back on 2/5/02
rlp

dtf: I think humans are just "meaning making machines" we make everything mean something, why is that?
rlp: we like to think as humans that we are more important in the scheme of things than we are possibly
dtf: could be.
dtf: Take information in, spit out a meaning
rlp: I think about each one of us is the center of our universe
dtf: The low road
rlp: I take the high road
rlp: I have been known to take the low road on occasion
dtf: do you know that the low road and high road have many roads joining them
dtf: and that somtimes the high road is too easy, as is the low road
dtf: and that once in while we all step of the beaten path
rlp: I almost took the low road a couple three weeks ago to the end....thankfully I did not
rlp: not easy to admit
dtf: just around every corner is something wonderful
dtf: we just need to be open to it
dtf: so open your eyes Ruth
dtf: Right now this moment is all that exists Ruth
dtf: I use to place my past in a bag
dtf: got too bloody heavy, kept bumping into things
dtf: same walls, sme people
rlp: ahhh....I remembered about something like that....
dtf: Have you ever walked on the beach?
rlp: yes
dtf: left foot prints?
rlp: yes
dtf: what happened to them?
rlp: eventually they were washed away or someone else made their footprints over mine
dtf: yep
dtf: Ruth, how do you feel when your foot prints are washed away?
rlp: I want to make new footprints!
rlp: Rub my face in them so to speak...the new ones
dtf: Why. They are behind you, dont look back
dtf: Then you will not miss them
rlp: no...I am thinking of new footprints!!
dtf: I know
rlp: the old ones just meant I was there for a moment in time....they are behind me
dtf: I can see you thinking
dtf: laughing
rlp: Life is grand!
dtf: Aye, it is at that. If you make it grand
rlp: yes....so delicious...and looking forward to what is to become in this life and my next one
dtf: They are important
dtf: So Is RUTH
rlp: Welcome back into my life
dtf: I am pleased to be back love
rlp: I am pleased that you are here

Finish Each Day

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. 
 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Eight Tricks To Make Her Scream Your Name

I found this on the net somewhere....I don't know any women who wouldn't wish EVERY man knew these things...memorized them until they were a part of themselves...practiced it...over and over....

* Say Her Name - Some women aren't in to dirty talking, but saying her name is a completely different thing. When you say her name, you are letting her know you are really there and not in fantasy land.

* Ask Her - Most women are self-conscious about asking you to 'do it' a bit differently. However, if you ask her, then you are telling her that her sexual pleasure is important. You don't need to turn it into a classroom session. Just ask her simply questions that she can answer easily. 'Harder or softer?'

* Look At Her - During sex, the great thing about looking into a lady's eyes is the intimacy. It's a very real way of drawing her further into the experience. As well, it's a great way of guaging whether or not she is enjoying it. If she locks eyes with you, you are doing great. If she keeps looking away, then you might ask her what she would like. Eyes are the window to the soul and if she's not into it, it's hard to look back at you.

* Idolize Her Body - Women can be very self-conscious when they are naked. Objectifying them is a good confidence builder...not to mention that it turns them on. Tell her those panties make her look sexy. Tell her what a great body she has. Say that her thighs really turn you on. Idolize her body and she'll turn it on for you.

* Take It Slow - Sex is about the orgasm. Love making is about the entire experience. Many women prefer the love making scenario which means you need to slow down. If you really want to turn her on, take it easy. Spend time kissing, caressing, holding, and engaging her every sense and pleasure. By taking it slow and easy, you will build her up in a way that will finally explode into an incredible time that you will remember.

*Kiss Her - with so many sexy body parts to ogle and fondle, guys often forget about the lips. Kiss her! And, don't just kiss her only during foreplay. Kiss her during lovemaking. With the two of you embraced in sex, giving her a passionate kiss can take the whole thing one step higher.

* Flesh to Flesh - When watching a porn film, remember that they are situated for maximum camera view. If you really want to turn her on, get flesh to flesh. Wrap your arms around her. Wrap your legs around her. Press your chest to her chest. The more body contact the more chances that she'll ignite.

* Ladies First - Most men forget that is usually takes a woman quite a bit longer to get off than a man. If you really want to make her happy, get her off first. Do it through massage and masturbation or letting your tongue go downtown. If she has gotten off, or is about to, she can stop concentrating so much and enjoying the moment, which means she can focus on you and your enjoyment.

New Boots

Cowboy Boots

Ray and Bessie are an elderly couple. Ray had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, and wears them home walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over, "Nope."

Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except the cowboy boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!"

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."

Various words written to me...

An assortment of words written to me....whether they were true and heartfelt...whether they were written to me just to bed me...whether they were warranted...still...they are pretty words that made this woman feel good...

~ I would like to take this opportunity to say that your profile was very sincere and focused with a poetic charm and a taste for romance. You challenged my brain, touched my heart and made me smile. You express dignity, refinement, wealth and power. I do not expect a response, however, I felt you should know how refreshing your profile was which complimented your photograph. Your bridge over trouble water, S

~ I LOVE you...please, you do the same... Love YOU... ok?
DH

~ I appreciate you and find you are a lover that dreams are made of.
DAK

~ Nice picture Kitt... maturity and life at it's finest.

~ I don't want you to lose something you have found and enjoy so much.........might be like plucking the wings off a butterfly......know what I mean?

~ That picture of you looks great. Your chin is held up high and you look happy.
From my nephew Randy on 3 Jun 2003

~ Hello Princess; Please forgive a brief intrusion so that I may express how incredibly beautiful you are. Give me one good honest reason why a man shouldn't fall in love with you!!!Nonetheless, I find you to be an incredibly Gorgeous Lady...so I assumed you wouldn't mind if I intruded long enough to compliment you.
D

~ It's pointless to discuss tastes and preferences. Right and wrong disappear into a rainbow of gray shades. Put your own needs first for once; indulgence isn't only for others.

~ Thanks for a nice time.....I always enjoy seeing you.....but especially because you are always willing to listen to me and somehow you totally understand where I am....I appreciate you sharing your own experiences....kiss and hug
ER

~ Know you're loved.
From my daughter, Rodina

~ sleep the sleep of angels

~ Well, sweet slit, as always it's a pleasure beyond pleasure to chat with you. I love you Ruth. You'll be in my prayers tonight God Bless you, my friend.
DH

~ Thanks for sharing a very personal conversation. You're a good woman, Charlie Brown
DH

~ You can't rebottle the genie, hon, and any backpedaling on intimacy may be seen as regret.
DH

~

Worth Holding On To??

Written to me May 29, 2004

Risky

When you think you’ve found something worth holding onto
Were you reaching for attention, hoping she would notice you
Collecting bottles and thrown-away cans
Like she was returnable
One day would refill your hands
How she loved you, all you imagined
Fit so well into your plans
Maybe one day soon
It’ll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With a memory of
How you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times

Pining away every hour in your room
Rolling with the motion, waiting til it’s opportune
Sitting there watching time fly past you
Why do tomorrow
What you could never do
How she loved you
All you imagined
All the shit you put her through

Maybe one day soon
It’ll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With a memory of
How you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times

And it takes a lot of nerve to ask how she is doing
Start with a weak foundation, you will end in ruins
The way the days and hours pass you’ll never understand
Falling like rain through your hands

Maybe one day soon
It’ll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With a memory of
How you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times

You were, you are and you will always be the most beautiful thing to walk into my life. Your my girl, a pearl of a girl, who makes my head whirl and my toes curl, lol! All's well that ends well, my love is back where she belongs and thats all there is to tell. *softly kissing your eyelids* You should be asleep cutie. Now we have all the time in the world.

-- muah

Comes the dawn

Comes the Dawn
~Author unknown~

After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, And learn to build all your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight

After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure....that you really are strong. And you really do have self worth. And you learn and learn....with every goodbye, you learn.

What Women Want...so simple

"A woman's softness is nothing without a mans strength to take it. Seduce my mind and you can have my body. Find my soul and I'm yours forever "

What we women want is so very simple. All we want is to be seen....our souls seen. Attention...it's similar....real attention to who we are...what we think...what we feel. It doesn't have to be constant. It can be as little as 15 minutes in a day. We can carry an empty day or days when we feel that connection...that we are seen...that we are appreciated...that we are valued. So simple...

Thank God for what you have...

~Author Unknown~

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future. Love...and you shall be loved. God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him. All people smile in the same language. A hug is a great gift... one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange. Everyone needs to be loved... especially when they do not deserve it. The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity. Laughter is God's sunshine. Everyone has beauty but not everyone sees it. It's important for parents to live the same things they teach. Thank God for what you have, TRUST GOD for what you need. If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks within. The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow. Take time to laugh, for it is the music of the soul. If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it. Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears. Love is strengthened by working through conflicts together. The best thing parents can do for their children is to love each other. Harsh words break no bones but they do break hearts. To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it. We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished. Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others. For every minute you are angry with someone, you lose 60 seconds of happiness that you can never get back. Do what you can, for who you can, with what you have, and where you are.

I Want to Hold Your Hand

I Want to Hold Your Hand
The Beatles

Oh yeh, I’ll tell you something,
I think you’ll understand,
Then I’ll say that something,
I wanna hold your hand,
I wanna hold your hand,
I wanna hold your hand

Holding hands....how very important. To me, holding hands is so very important. It's so simple. Just the reaching for another person's hand is comforting, especially when it's there to hold. It can be figuratively or literally. It's a personal connection from one person to another. The first thing you do when you meet a new baby is reach for their tiny hand with a finger and are always amazed at how tightly they clasp to you and your heart melts. A child reaching for a hand...taking that tiny hand in yours...feeling their trust. Grabbing a child's hand in haste to keep them safe conveys to the child your authority and conveys immediate caution. Reaching for a friend's hand whether in need or in love for that person is a wonderful connection. Just knowing that friend's hand will hold your hand unreservedly brings peace to your world. Just peacefully holding your loved one's hand is comforting....doesn't have to be any more that just two souls connecting. Holding hands while making love completes the core of the connection. And finally, what we sometimes forget to do is to reach for an elderly person's hand to show them we respect them and all that they have been and are still....holding that hand possibly for the last time....passes the torch from one generation to the next.

When the Gobblins Come

rlp

At night when the Gobblins come
They are bigger and scarier.
You question yourself.
Things get larger than life.
You talk to yourself...sometimes outloud.
You wonder if you've made the right decisions.
You wonder how you can take some of them back.
You want things to be like they were but you know...
You know you can't survive in the Gobblin limbo.
You have to make decisions for your survival...knowing you are hurting another to the core.
You have to ...there is no other choice...no one who will make your decisions for you.
Scary