Megan's imagination

Rodina sent this to me last March 2007. Maybe this will be a memory for her or a window as how she thought when she was six:

Meg and I have been telling pretend stories to use our imaginations. I started this because when she would tell a real story, she would start embellishing to the point that the whole thing was a lie and her friend was starting to call her on it.....saying 'you made that up' and Meg would get really upset and say it was all the truth. I told Meg that it is ok to make up stories and pretend they are real as long as she understands the difference between real things that happen and made up things. so tonight's story were full of blow-up buildings (like your blow-up bed only as a building) and buildings and people made of legos. Then we moved to Venus because all the buildings on earth were turning into legos and were filled with horse poop. After all, everyone knows there is no pee or poop on Venus!

Everyone needs this sort of friend

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'

This says it all.

Those things that go bump in the night

I've touched here earlier of some of what my personal 'reality' is as to what I think are 'sprits'. I was recently asked about it all and below is what I wrote my friend. It's not all the facts on this subject and me/my experiences but a good start. Heck, sometimes I can't remember some things from yesterday so I'm supposed to remember everything? Ha! Good luck on that one. Here goes....

I remember ‘knowing’ the spirit of my brother Oren before he was born but I didn’t have quite a language then….inside my head I did but I didn’t realize people couldn’t understand me until my daughter was the same age….no one can understand fully an 18 month old child. I remember waking up from a nap and there Oren was in his crib. I was enthralled but at the same time unbelievably angry. I went to scold my daddy and did so quite vehemently. I remember him looking at me...patting my head and saying to me, 'There there..." All of this is so real to my core. I can close my eyes and see/touch/taste/feel the moment. I held this against him all the years until I had my own daughter. When she was 18 months old, she was upset about something and proceeded to scold me. I have a photo of her doing so. I couldn't understand a word she said. That was an epiphany moment and I understood Daddy patting my head.

The next time was one visited me when I was 5 and told me about Rodina who would be my child. Things were pretty dormant till I was in my early teens when things started happening like I could see things that were going to happen. Never to other’s…only to me. Stupid stuff like knowing exactly what was going to be in my mailbox each day in the exact order that they were put in the box. These weren’t sprits per se, but they were a boding of what was to come. Oh, I had what I thought were lucid dreams but I pooh poohed them.

When I was 15, I was in Lubbock and at a friend's home in his basement. He and his twin brother were geniuses and had rigged up their stereo to some colored lights that would go on and off to the music. He was telling me about astral projection but I don't remember him using those particular words. No, we weren't on any drugs. The strongest 'drug' at that time of my life was a cherry coke. That night was my first experience as to what I came to believe to be an out of body experience. We did this often over the next 2 years when I would be in Lubbock.

Then, things started happening after my mother died in 1992. Then, one night it happened. All in one fell swoop so to speak. Shortly after she died, I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep. Back then I never slept! Sometimes it would take me hours to fall asleep. I was lying in bed when I heard a CRACK (like breaking a large dry stick) and then this really REALLY strong light came at me….like being on a country road with no street lights and a car is coming at you only it’s coming at you at the speed of light….then the light hit me and knocked me off my pillow….immediately my mom’s spirit was there….along with my grandmother (her mother). She came to me nightly for a year and I still have some of the writings I would do after she left. It was very comforting. We eventually had a huge disagreement over her trying to take over my body which she did. She just slipped in and took over. I didn't know it happened until she left laughing. I was pretty upset and I told her to not come back. She didn’t. I’ll never forget the sound of her laughter as she was leaving.

From then on, I would know things or see things like a photograph had gone off in my head instead of a slow process of an idea or thought developing the way it had always been in the artistic process for me. I went to a psychic seminar that purported to get us in touch with our guardian angels and that was probably all it took to open the door. So many things over my life became clear to me. I learned how to talk to what I thought were ‘spirits’ and if it was real, it was productive. If it wasn’t real, only I would know. No way was I going to tell anyone anything.

As a side note, this next summer after Mom died was when I started basket weaving. I was making my first basket (took me exactly 40 hours to make) and I was fighting it. I had in my head what I thought I wanted it to be. I was weaving per my teacher's instructions. All the while, I felt like there was this little imp on my shoulder telling me to just let it happen and trust my instincts and 'let the basket' tell me how it wanted to be. I started having a battle inside my head over this. Did I trust my instincts? Who was making this basket...me or that little imp? Could I let myself go and just make it on instinct? I remember thinking 'well, it's now or never...either just trust what my hands are doing or just quit trying to be an artist'. I gave in. I just let my hands to the weaving and letting it become and it did and it is beautiful and this was a turning point in my life. I started believing in myself as an artist and it was wonderful.

One thing that started back in about 1969 was my ability to look in someone’s eyes and know if they were going to die. I’ve been 100% on this. I don’t like this so I try to push this in the back of my mind and ignore it. Sometimes I can’t.

I started doing genealogy in 1997 and all these faces kept coming to me….wave after wave of faces…..I thought my mind was cracking. Then one night, I decided to ask them who they were and what did they want. Of course, during this time I had read and absorbed any and all books on spirits and afterlife I could find. I was starting to catch on as to what ‘MY’ spirits were. Not everyone recognizes this. I believe we all have them…just some people don’t know what to recognize.

Somewhere during this, my mother-in-law died and that night I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back, she was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting on me. She looked at me and smiled and then poof she was a twinkling light and there were 3-5 other sparkling lights with her and telling me she was new at being a spirit and that they were going to teach her….they swirled around the room a bit and left.

Then the faces started coming more and more the second I would close my eyes. I don’t go to sleep but I can’t say I’m in a ‘trance’…I’m just lying down resting. Face upon face come at me….all sorts of faces….all sorts of dress….from now to hundreds of years ago…..one time I saw this line of hundreds and hundreds of people in front of me that I was supposed to meet….it went around a bunch of bends in a valley of huge hills and at the end of the line was a horse drawn cart with a white horse and a white coffin and I immediately recognized that it was my funeral. At first I panicked but then the people in front of me said I had to find all these people and know them before I can die. Sometimes when I panic, everything and everyone is gone immediately not to come back. I might as well give up at this point.

About 2000, I had another experience where I saw my ‘pod’. You know how you instantly feel like you know someone you just met? Does anyone ever wonder why you know who you know? Well, I believe we are all in a ‘group’ of spirits that belong together. Ok, this said….one night I went to a place way on the other side of the moon….somewere in space I believe and saw a ‘pod’ is all I can describe it by. It’s like a swarm of bees only WAY enormous. There were all these sparkly lights swarming on this pod….and I recognized as it was where we all gather or come from when we aren’t in human form. I recognized that we are a definite group of people that our lives are intertwined for whatever reason, I don’t know. I don’t know how or why we are chosen for this particular ‘pod’ but there are a multitude on top of multitudes of pods out there.

Spirits to me are always sparkly lights…..moving and sparkling all the time….sometimes just barely twinkling…sometimes like a kajillion watts of light. Sometimes out of the blue, they are like in my field of vision like rain coming down on a windshield. This lasts for several minutes when this happens.

Well, I’ve had lots and lots of other things that have happened….even had one spirit attatch a message to an email several times and have a witness to this. It told me to go look at a particular microfilm of census records and lo and behold….I found that particular record of them which had illuded me for over a year. I have this one old lady who talks to me….her hands on her him and she talks so fast that I can’t understand her…..I have lights still that come at me…they always do before I start ‘talking’ to these spiritis….I can’t control when or what is going to happen and I can’t always control when they are going to come. A lot of times I can control being open to them….and I certainly can control telling them to leave. I’ve only had two evil spirits come and enter my being and that’s a whole other story.

Ok, this is a smidgin of some of the things….believe it or don’t believe it. Really, there isn’t anything in this that I would believe if someone was telling me but then again, I’m speaking of what happens to me.

Dream or Past Life?

Below is the dream I've had. It was so real..you could touch/taste/feel everything that was going on. I always wonder if these dreams are memories of previous lives.

I found myself the hull of a ship of old with perhaps one hundred other people...it was a steam ship...we had been captured the whole lot of us. We were heading for cold waters. All of the men were pressed into servitude until we reached the cold waters. The men were going to be dumped into the cold waters like a shovelful of leftover waste.

Whoever the captors were, they weren't even going to bother killing the men but rather let the icy waters do the chore. The women, we were spared. We were to 'move upstairs' and be 'gifts' to the captain and his men for as long as they didn't tire of us.

I was being told by the man I was with to use all my talents to survive in order to eventually escape. This man I was with was my husband. He was tall, slender, sandy hair and very muscular. He had kind eyes. We both clung to each other knowing this was our last times together. He was trying to be cheerful and him telling me to have a full life. He had accepted his fate. He held me and touched me and in his eyes, he cherished me. His love was an abiding love. We had had a good fulfilling life together but at the same time, this time we had had together was being cut short. We talked of trivial things interspersed between the important things he wanted me to remember. I tried to listen but all I could think of was trying to remember his voice, his eyes, his touch, his smell, the texture of his skin. We both put on a brave face. I was determined that the last memory of me was going to be that of a strong loving woman. I looked around and there were so many other couples having their 'last rites' with each other. There was a group of men who were in a bunch, watching all of the couples. You could see in the men's faces...all of the men's faces the acceptance. I looked around at everyone and we were a different lot. We had clothing from the days of old, perhaps late 1700's or 1800s. We were dirty and unkempt but instantly I knew that the traveling conditions we were in left us no choice.

And that's the dream. It changed after this part into other things and other people...it always does. It could have been an hour long dream or a 10 second dream. I don't know. Sometimes I have dreams in detail like this where it's a complete memory in the first second of the dream...an all knowing kind of thing.