So Funny!!

I was chatting this morning with my friend Mark...a single 31 year old male who obviously has his hormones running rampant.... I called him a pervert and told him I was a provert....then he said he was looking for a pervertible...seats don't go down but he does! I gotta help find that man a woman!! Some lucky gal is missing out!!!! Pervertible....what a neat word!!

Wave On Wave

I've listened and danced many dances to this song....heard the words to it this morning. Amazing!


Wave on Wave
Artist/Band: Pat Green

Mile upon mile, got no direction.
We're all playin' the same game.
We're all lookin' for redemption.
Just to pray, to say the name.

So caught up now in pretendin'
That what we're seekin' is the truth.
I'm just lookin' for a happy endin'.
All I'm lookin' for is you.

You came upon me, wave on wave.
You're the reason I'm still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
You came upon me, wave on wave.

I wandered out into the water,
An' I thought that I might drown.
I don't know what I was after,
Just know I was goin' down.

And that's when she found me.
Not afraid anymore.
She said: "You know, I always had you, baby.
"Just waitin' for you to find what you were lookin' for."

You came upon me, wave on wave.
You're the reason I'm still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
It came upon me, wave on wave.

Wave on wave.
Wave on wave.

An' it came upon me, wave on wave.
You're the reason I'm still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
It came upon me, wave on wave.

The clouds broke and the angels cried:
"You ain't gotta wipe the floor."
That's why it put me in your hands.
When it came upon me wave on wave.

Yeah, it came upon me, wave on wave.
You're the reason I'm still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
An' it came upon me, wave on wave.

Yeah, it came upon me, wave on wave.
You're the reason I'm still here, yeah.
Am I the one you were sent to save?
An' it came upon me, wave on wave.

Remembered

"to be or not to be, is not the question, its how you want to be remembered when you are gone"

Sunlight

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?
Rose Kennedy

Friendship

I just read two friend's blogs and each posted their thoughts and feelings about me and our friendships. Touched is not the words for what I feel. That two people would value my friendship so highly just takes my breath away. That two people would say such wonderful things attached to my name....I don't know if I have tears of joy running down my face or if they are tears of sorrow that others who mean so much to me don't see my soul...maybe a little of both.

Morning Glory

From "Morning Glory" by LaVyrle Spencer

'Stalking away, he shut out the pain and transported himself to a place he'd neve seen, where smiles were plentiful, and plates full, and people nice to one another. He no longer believed such a place existed, yet he escaped to it more and more often. When it had served it's prupose, he returned to reality....'

'And girls? He'd never found girls to be especially nice except maybe when they were older, when a man was sinking his body into them. Then, for a few minutes, while they stopped harping or threatening or tormenting, maybe they were nice.'

'But his gratitude was extended for far more than creature comforts. She'd offered him trust, had given him pride again and enthusiasm at the break of each new day. She'd brought back his smile. There was nothing he couldn't accomplish. Nothing he wouldn't try. He wanted to do it all at once.'

'...gravitated toward them like a compass needle toward the North Pole. Here was where he belonged, here with this unadorned woman...'

'Without a doubt, she was right. In his palm the brass warmed while a smile lifted one corner of his lips and spread to the other. Some poor damned fool could have had her behind him all his life and had passed up the opportunity, he thought. This town had to be filled with some mighty stupid men.'

'His whole life he'd longed for someone to touch him this way, to touch the boy in him as well as the man, to soothe, reassure. The feel of her fingers in his hair brought back a measure of all he'd missed. He was parched earth, she fresh rain. He a waiting vessel, she rich wine. And in those moments of closeness she filled him, filled all the lacks endowed him by his shiftless, loner's life, becoming at once all the things he'd needed--mother, father, friend, wife, and lover.'

'And he smiled for the length of three glad heartbeats, then laughed. And wondered if life would ever again be this good. And decided surely tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow it could only get better'

Ahhh.....

Affectionate Feelings

We all have old loves...old friends....but there comes a time when they shift to affectionate feelings.

In My Life
by the Beatles

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Strong vs. Determined

strong - Pronunciation Key  (strông)
adj. strong·er, strong·est
1 Physically powerful
2 In good or sound health
3 Economically or financially sound or thriving
4 Having force of character, will, morality, or intelligence
5 Having or showing ability or achievement in a specified field
6 Capable of the effective exercise of authority
7 Capable of withstanding force or wear; solid, tough, or firm; Having great binding strength
8 Not easily captured or defeated
9 Not easily upset; resistant to harmful or unpleasant influences
10 Having force or rapidity of motion
11 Persuasive, effective, and cogent; Forceful and pointed; emphatic; Forthright and explicit, often offensively so
12 Extreme; drastic
13 Having force of conviction or feeling; uncompromising
14 Intense in degree or quality
15 Having an intense or offensive effect on the senses; Clear and loud; Readily noticeable; remarkable; Readily detected or received
16 Having a high concentration of an essential or active ingredient; Containing a considerable percentage of alcohol; Powerfully effective
17 Characterized by a high degree of saturation

Friends, family, acquaintances from time to time tell me I'm 'strong'. Things happen, some not to great..some devastating. I pick myself up. I don't see any other way to handle things. One foot in front of the other....I don't see a choice in the matter. Nothing has been so bad that it killed me so I wake up, start another day and move on. Sometimes I feel when someone says that I'm strong, I feel so weak and helpless inside but try not to let on how I'm feeling. How I long to be able to lean on someone on occassion...to just be held and let myself cry and be weak for a moment of time. I remember having this for about 10 minutes once. It felt good. Sometimes it feels like when someone tells me I'm strong, it's an excuse not to comfort me...to dismiss how I'm feeling so that the person who has told me this can go about their merry way and not have to deal with reaching out to me....go on about their perfect world and not have my mess in their lives.

Maybe I'm strong, maybe I'm not.....but I choose rather use the word 'determined' instead of strong.

Perfectly

Jen sent me this....I liked it and thought I'd share:

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

Grand Daughters Funnies

Ok, of course any grandmother will tell you that she has the most beautiful grandchildren in the world....this goes for most intelligent, most talented, most unique...you name it. But I'll let you in on a secret....MINE ARE! No doubt in my mind about it. Below are a few funny things that my daughter told me they did:

The girls are playing dolls.....apparently Meg has the mom and Mandy had the child.......Mandy's doll was asking Meg's doll "mom, can I lay down with you?" over and over....then Meg's doll replies, "you need to move over cause I have to fart" then she starts saying in a high-pitched voice "fart fart fart fart fart".

Upon waking at night: at one point, Mandy woke up long enough to take a drink of milk and tell me that she had to go back and shake her butt for the horses.

For Halloween: The girls picked out princess costumes......then saw flying unicorn ones....guess which ones they picked? So, Meg decided that while she is wearing the costume that she can wear a special button that she can press that will turn her into a real unicorn.

I told her that she can't ride horses if she is a real unicorn but she still insists that we have to go to the store and buy a button......so we stopped at Albertsons (grocers) by our house to look for the button.........she boldly went up to one of the people who work there and described the button and asked if they had one.......the guy said he wasn't sure but he would check, so he took us to another guy and asked him........I don't think the first guy got that it was an item that doesn't exist.....the second guy though played along and told her that they had just sold the last one and didn't know if they would be getting anymore......Meg was disappointed but not distraught.....and the first guy gave the girls each coupons for a free cookie since they didn't have the special button.

Then Meg insisted that we go around the store looking for the button just in case they had an extra one somewhere that they didn't know about (of course the girls are wearing their costumes at the time) and Mandy showed everyone that saw her that she had a tail by yelling "look! I have a tail!" then promptly turning around and bending over and shaking her butt!!!!! and Meg kept telling strangers about the special unicorn button she was looking to buy. It was hilarious! I just let them keep looking then finally I said that it looks like the store really is out of them so we would just have to go home.

Also, since the girls have wings (their unicorns can fly aparently) I told them that if they flapped hard enough they would be able to fly. Meg quickly decided that it wasn't hot enough outside to be able to fly and that you cannot fly in cold weather......but they sure kept flapping and trying!!

Prettyful

My grand daughter Mandy has come up with a new word...such a word! Prettyful. Last night she was trying on her princess costume that she received for Christmas....had the little dress on...the high heels...the crown...the wand... She transformed from a 3 year old toddler into a 3 year old little girl in one moment of time. Instantly she was feminine, expressive, and such a deep smile within herself. She danced around the room a little...pranced and piqued....then she looked up at me with those beautiful shining eyes of hers and said to me, 'look Bees...I'm prettyful!'. Oh...indeed she is!!

Bless My Heart

Bless my heart....How many times do we say these words in our lives and fully understand what we're saying? How many of us bless ourselves? How many of us give ourselves the right/rite to to bless our selves, our lives, our being? It's so easy to see the negative....so easy to 'beat ourselves up'....so easy to see what's wrong with ourselves. Today I choose to bless myself, bless my heart...become fully who I want to be...who I yearn to be. I choose not to be only a stepping stone to others to find their fulfillment...their growth....their selflove. Yes, I choose to continue showing other people their mirror....show them the gloriousness of their souls.....but now I'm choosing to look into my personal mirror and see what is good inside me, celebrate myself and yes, return the smile in my own mirror.

Life Plan

"I asked her what she planned to do with her life & she said she was way beyond that point already. I'm just happy I remember to be there when it happens, she said."

Another gem from Storypeople. This is an attitude that I could sorely learn to use.

The King and the Commoner

My friend LH made this joke up....I LIKE it...LMSAOROFL:

Did you hear the joke about the king being given a blowjob by one of the commoners?

The commoner started and the king said..."On with your head..off with you head...on with your head, etc, etc

There is no future without love...

"I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart & voice to speak & we will walk again together with a thousand others & a thousand more & on & on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is no future without love."

I read the above from a really neat website called Storypeople. One of the comments was most aptly said: 'Who'd want a future withOUT love!' Amen

Create

If you would create something, you must be something.
~Goethe

Uncomfortable

WAY too funny to not post!!

A woman who is uncomfortable watching a guy masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
b) Is uptight and a waste of time.
c) Shouldn't have sat next to him on the bus in the first place.

God's Jar

When I met my former husband Ben in 1980, he introduced me to a new concept that has stayed with me ever since. It's called 'God's Jar'. He had a jar that he would put found money in. This money was saved and given to 'God'. It had to be the exact money...if he found a quarter, it had to be that quarter...not just a quarter out of his pocket. Sometimes the coins would be a coin he dug out of the tar in the street. Sometimes the coins would be so bent up or dirty. He was a UPS driver so he was in a lot of places all day long. However, there were so many times that he found money so easily. He could spot a penny 50 yards away. I immediately started this practice when we started dating and continue to this day. I have my own little God's jar and give to Ben what I collect when it gets full to put with what he finds.

Usually when the jar got full which was at least twice a year, the money would be given to a church of his choosing anonymously. We ended up giving to one particular church but there were several times we gave to my former childhood church in particular with the stipulation that the money be used for children to go to camp who could not afford it. When we were both working, most all times we would have over $250 at least twice a year.

This is a blessing to me to have known this side of a man who taught me this concept of giving back to God a small token of appreciation of this life we've been given.

Growth

I was talking with my friend DH about loving and losing and me and my previous relationship(s). Below are his words and some understanding of me and who I am. Words that will help me understand me and who I am. I've removed some very personal and specific words he said so as to not single out any one person...

"You've learned a LOT .... Mostly about who you are, not about who the man is. That is significant learning. It hurts, but it's supposed to hurt when this happens... you feel it and that is good, even if painful.. my darling friend, the depth of the pain is an indication of your capacity to love. You will be wiser and stronger and better at loving the next time. You've actually reclaimed a great deal of who you are. The pain is an indication of that. If you felt nothing, I would agree with you. You're a fantastic woman, R. Capable of great passion and sincere love. You're growing into that. Next time it will be real because YOU will be better able to recognize that 'R' in a man. You're just developing a better ability to choose men."

Potter

"All this of Pot and Potter.......Tell me then,
Who is the Potter, pray, and who the Pot?"
The Rubaiyat

Update to She's The One...

My friend PB saw that I had posted his words to me about 'She's the One' and send me updated thoughts....Pretty profound...Thanks PB!

this might sound off the wall........but I hope, in a nice way, that this "perfection" never happens...........the reason is simple.......we all need something to look forward too..........."slight" imperfections are needed in all of us........and they will always be there.........if you are successful at molding someone of something into your perception of "perfection", then you have truly stripped from it, it's true identity.......you have smothered it, killed it..........and in a way........made it imperfect.........so, live with the small imperfections, they are really so insignificant..........they make us what we are, who we are...........they make us live, breathe and able to better exist in this so very imperfect world

She's the one....

We all deserve someone like this... Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...That's her."

Thanks PB

Numba 69

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin, and he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.

He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring" he says, "I know dis you fus tyne and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say.  Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently, for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan ....... numba 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries: "You want ... Beef wif Broccori?"

Friend Stroking

I was chatting with my friend LH and we were honestly saying things to each other as to how we see each other. He said some beautiful words to me that not only made me smile, but also felt good deep in my soul. I sincerely complimented him and I could 'see' him shine.

Why don't people do more of this? It hurts no one to verbalize to another person some positive words. I'm not talking mere flattery but rather words that heal the soul, words that are heartfelt and positive. People generally live up or down to their expectations. However, I think people also tend to be nobler and kinder when in a safe and sincere moment of time with a comfortable friend.

It was nice seeing pretty words and my name used together in a sentence.

Thinking and Questions

I've been thinking again. Ok...yes, this is dangerous territory. Having been alone basically for the last three weeks I guess I've been thinking overtime. There is something about my writing something down...ok, typing something....that seems to develop between me and my brain and the computer screen. There is something for me to having to put something down in a logical order, having to be concise and clear in the wordage I'm using, having to see as many sides of the coin as I can that helps me to see my thoughts and emotions better. This exploring of my thoughts right now is not intended to be self flagellation or feeling sorry for myself. More so, this is to help me think about who I am, where I am and where I'm going.

What makes a person want to be with another person? This wanting is not what one can do for the other but rather just being in another person's presence. This wanting to be near physically, actively in another person's life is what I'm thinking about. I see couples that have committed to each other in the form of marriage. They want to be in each other's lives, share their days and nights, share their dreams, share their sorrows and laughter.

If no one wants to be with me other than on a limited basis...does this mean there is a flaw in me? Does anyone wake up with thoughts of me? Does anyone think about me during the day and before they go to sleep thinking they want to see me...hear my voice...listen to my words....feel my touch? I've had it once for a brief period of time. That person was so very proud to be with me, be seen with me, looked at me with that special smile that made me feel wanted and needed...desired. It was exciting and awesome. The words were actually formed that the person wanted to be with me, was excited to see me in person and in the meantime, actively called me several times a day wanting to hear my voice, wanting to hear what I was doing, wanting to share that bubble of time where the world was on hold while we spoke. To be desired and shown that I was desired as a person, this was awesome. How I got to this age without ever feeling or experiencing this...truly having this is beyond my comprehension. Not having it before except for little brief moments in time, I didn't know what I was missing. It was a fantasy or fiction in a book these feelings...such total fiction that it never occurred to me that it could be real. That I had those feelings towards others, yes, but then I thought I was flawed somehow.

Anyway, back to the ranch. When I see these married couples...and some in just a committed relationship, I look and watch them. I wonder why they know they want to be with that person for a lifetime. What did each of them show each other to each other that would make them make this decision? There are some of these couples who seem to have so much more between them. They truly have become one. They are the special ones. I want to be one of the special ones with a special one. If I got it, would I understand it? Would I be capable of embracing it and giving my heart unconditionally? That I can be totally faithful to a love, this I know is in me. That I could be that special person to another person, this I know is in me. That I could accept or believe that I was that special person to another person, I don't know. It just doesn't seem real to me.

What's real to me is being and living alone. What's real to me is having someone in my life who is with me on a limited time basis. What's real to me is having wonderful friends who care about me but even they have their own lives to lead. Needy? No, I'm not needy I think. Wanting, yes. Desiring, yes. I could easily see me sharing a man's life. I can't see a man sharing my life with him and I certainly can't see me being in a true committed relationship where we both shared together our lives. Again, I do now know I want this last fantasy, just don't know if the fantasy will be mine to live. The biggest questions to me are do I have the capacity to love again to accept this in my life as real and can I trust that it would be real and freely given to me just because it was me who was desired?

Another thought I've had posed to me is how much is enough for me? In a dating situation, how much time spent together is enough, how much apart time is enough? What is smothering vs. desiring just to be together? Always questions. Sometime, it's just better to enjoy what I have and let the rest just unfold. This requires patience and everyone who knows me, this is not my best feature.

Timeless Joy

This quote was sent to me this morning from the Daily Motivator. Can't add anything to it...is just so good as it is!!!


Every joy you've experienced, even years and years ago, is
still with you. Time and events can take away the conditions
and surroundings of that joy, yet they can never take away
the joy itself.

Joy has no need of being remembered, for it is always with
you. All you have to do is allow it to fill your heart, and
it will.

The terrain will change, the colors will fade, the sounds
will grow silent and other experiences will take their
place. Yet the joy is always as fresh and new, as sweet and
revitalizing as ever.

Even when memories grow dim, the joy will shine ever more
brightly. For joy is truly timeless.


Ralph Marston

Journey

This was written to me by a friend when I was so very angry and hurt after my lover moved out. My self esteem was low. It helped me to heal.

"As I lay in bed last might my mind was thinking of you and all the things you wrote during our last conversation - everything that you said was going through my mind in a big swirl.... absorbing and engulfing all the senses within me... to conjure up an image of you. This image was not a physical one... like what you look like... but what you are inside.... your spirit. The feeling that I got was a persona that was sweetness, pure as snow, almost virginal. I felt that I was floating in a cloud of this persona. I felt myself leaving my body and my persona mingling with yours - like two clouds enveloping each other and floating in ether. It was so peaceful and serene.

Once you have come to grips, then you can be anywhere you want, physically, emotionally and mentally. The first thing is to stop the hurting and the wanting and look into the mirror with pride and self esteem and self respect and tell yourself with total conviction that you are trully independent and free from anything and anyone. You dont have to hate or stay angry as that is a stop on the journey of life. It is NOT a full stop but only a pause to stop in the garden and smell the rose. So what if it has thorn and pricked you, at least you enjoyed the fragrance. We move on into the garden and smell another flower until we reach the end and the gate to perpetuity. Life on earth is journey, not the goal."

Portrait of a Friend

This is a poem by an unknown author on friendship. It speaks to me.

"Portrait of a Friend"

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.
--Unknown

Sacks

"Our outside bodies..young or old..just sack for soul.. souls are ageless."

This was written to me by my friend LH while we were chatting. It's how he see's people...not judging whether they are young or old...beautiful or plain...short or tall...skinny or fat... It gives one pause. Important words I think!

I did good on this one...

This is from my dear friend CH. Coming up on 30 years with this woman and she is one of the nicest things I've ever done for myself. Her last words to me in this means the world to me:

I thought you knew the reason for your being since you got into geneology. Don't you realize you are a very important link to future generations of great people?

What you have done for me:

I had never checked out a book from the library before I knew you.

I would have never bought and learned about computering.

I would never talk to half the world on HL, had you not shown it to me. (2 folks 'found' me again, yesterday on HL and I was asleep and missed the whole thing)

I would have blown someones brains out, propably not mine, if i could not unload and commisserate with you.

I never ate Mexican food before you forced it on me.

I would never get to go to neat pottery workshops if it wasn't for you.

I have this nice trashcan in the kitchen, I would not have thought of buying.

AND what would I do without you, you are my best friend and life is too short to start looking for someone else you have so many things in common with.

The purpose in life? Enjoy as many MOMENTS as you can, the hell with the rest. You are not responsible for everyones happiness, fuck them all - ok lets change that to screw them all and maybe one day we can do it to a few of them, one at a time.

You know I would lie the blue off the sky for you.
Love
ch

"Real Women"

My friend PB wrote this to me back a few years ago about how he viewed women. I've known others who feel the same way, thankfully. There are a lot of women who feel the same way about men as this...only thing is...men just get better looking with age:

"All those sexy looking super models, movie stars, etc, yes they are nice eye candy......but the truth is that they really don't do a thing for me.........to me, true beauty comes from within, from the heart, the soul, the eyes........it just pours through and shines a light that those other women just can't compete with.....and most men never see it because they are way to wrapped up in what the outside package looks like......they want a "trophy" , and without finding the inner person, they are never going to experience true beauty.........just my humble opinion."

Only One

Only One
11/27/05
rlp

I only want only one you....
I want your smile....
I want your laughter...
I want your touch....
your smell...
your twinkly eyes....
your heart of gold....
your arms around me....
your time....
your body...
your dignity...
your respect....
your passion....
your loyalty....
your heart....
your name....
and I want you to only want one me

Ya just HAVE to laugh at this one!!

W.I.C.O.E.
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!

OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS -- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available

Just Thinking

Again, written to me from my friend PB. This is more than merely from him to me. It's a statement between me and my friends and loved ones..from my loved ones and friends back to me. As Sylvia once said to me...'what is neat about our friendship is that every time we are together, we walk away feeling good about ourselves.' Yes! Oh my yes! These are some more feelgoodwords that sustain me:

"The things we did, the things we said...Keep coming back to me and make me smile again...You showed me how to face the truth....Everything that's good in me I owe to you. Though the distance that's between us now may seem to be too far, it will never separate us....Deep inside I know you are never gone, never far.......In my heart is where you are....Always close, everyday....Every step along the way..Even though for now we've got to say goodbye..... I know you will be forever in my life, NEVER GONE!
hugs and kisses
PB

Soulfriends

We search for a soulmate in our lives and don't realize that we also can have soulfriends. Such a friend recently gave me this word. Grasping and understanding this word took me a few days to think on it and comprehend. I've had friends who have come in and out of my life, some for as little as a day and some for several years. There have been an uncountable amount and I remember each and every one. However, this entry is about my friends who have stayed in my life and we continue to grow. I've had soulfriends for better than 30 years and didn't realize exactly that they were soulfriends. Now I do.

My first soulfriend I met is Shirley. She taught me how to be a mother. My second one is Charlotte who taught me how to be a friend and not to judge people. My third soulfriend is Dian who taught me to be steady. Then came along Booger who taught me how to have compassion and fully accept a person for themselves totally without judgements. Next came along Jo Ann who taught me how to have/express/enjoy a zest for life and all the blessings this life has to offer.

I pretty well kept these as my only friends for so many years. Then I discovered the internet and chat. Even with these friends in my 'real' life, there were still parts of me that were hidden and secret. I was given several friends with whom I chatted with for anywhere from a night to many years. Through all of them, I gained insights. I learned about what makes other people tick and I also learned what made me tick. Some have been keepers. Margaret in New Zealand who taught me growth, is at the top of my list. Then there is Ann in Virginia and Warren in Saskatoon. These two taught me to love hard and fast and don't look back. One of my favorites is a young man in Toronto named Johnny. Johnny taught me how to value faithfulness to a love.

Later, I learned how to become friends with my children. Lisa through email, Rodina and Jeff through chat. I learned what awesome people they were! How they were so very loyal to me in their love. That I've been given unconditional love from these three young people and that they have shared their souls with me is about as good as it gets. They would be my friends even if they were not my children. I would choose them in a heartbeat.

My next friends started coming a few years ago and continues to this day. David was the first. He's given me understanding and a reconnection to God in my life. Jen has given me unconditional love. Sylvia has given me admiration and a backbone. Jerry has given me a steadfastness and keeps me on track. Elma has shown me what it takes to protect yourself and your children in the selflessness that a woman and mother has to do for herself and them. Toby has given me the ability to not give up. This is one young man who who would make me so angry that I could have strangled him through my computer if I could. Yet still, I could not give up on him...I could see the hugeness inside his heart if he would only let it out. I'm glad I stuck with him. Mike has given me selflessness. There are so many more but these are the main ones so far.

Brenda! Brenda came along and became my twin sister when I really needed her. She showed me to hold my head up in that no matter what she and I had done in the past, we are each fully equiped women who can survive. She also showed me that no matter the age of a person, one can find true love and embrace it selflessly and shamelessly while thanking God with every breath one takes.

Next, I met Paul...my friend PB. What a blessing! This man has held my hand and heart when I couldn't. Paul writes me words that uplift me and sustain me. He somehow knows my heart even when I don't.

Throw into this mix my cousin Earl. I've loved this man since I was 5 years old! Cousin/Brother/Friend. This man is loyal to me and only me! What a ride in life this has been with him. With Earl, I don't have to hide a thought, word or deed. He loves me when it seems all others have left.

Then I went and met Bob. Words sometimes pale when it comes to this friendship. Bob taught me the level of friendship beyond sex. I had this type of friendship with Booger before he committed suicide last year. I've missed him sorely. I now feel God has given me this part of my heart back through Bob. He taught me that even if I have to force the positive aspects in life, to do so and I will be at peace. In his words, 'it's all abut getting into another's head and heart'. Amen.

Now comes along Lonnie. He gave me the word 'soulfriends'. He's a new friend but has already given me the gift seeing my heart and embracing me through compassion. I'm looking forward to learning this friendship for years to come and see what the world unfolds.

Last but not least is my friend John. What this man has and is teaching me is beyond words sometimes. He's taught me integrity, laughter, about the inner workings of manhood and the sweetest love a human being can give another. He can out talk me, he can almost out 'onery' me and anything I throw at him and he not only accepts but celebrates who I am. I feel true solace with this man. John's a wonderful man with a magnanimous heart to give. Other than eating beans, this man is totally the best parts of me...the best parts of all the friends above. What a blessing God has given me in this man to know.

Plastic Surgery

Loved this joke! It is sooooo bad!!!

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."

"And what about the third rose?" she asked.

"Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.

Permission

"We come equipped with everything we need to experience a powerful life full of joy, incredible passion, and profound peace. The difficult part is giving ourselves the permission to live it."

We do! I choose this day to start giving myself permission.

How many more of us are there?

"When I'm alone, all uncomfortable in bed"

This was written to me in a chat with a friend from England. He was describing how lonely he was when he was in bed with his wife. It got me to thinking of the times I was so alone in my marriage....how alone so many people are in and out of a marriage. How sad that he felt so cut off from life. Even with all the words here that I could say, every time I read what he wrote, so many other words and feelings come to mind. This is more something to ponder than can be expressed.

For Her Eyes Only

Written to me several years ago, a very special year. Beautiful words from someone I will never see again...who ultimately did not want me in his life for whatever reason...but back then, it changed my life....I had been given the gift of romance and passion. When it was over, I was given the advice, "Don't cry because it's over but rather smile because it happened." Someday I will smile again because I will love again:

"Your touch not merely excites me, but touches my very soul. Your soft whispers I hear, and feel your words etched in my heart. In your laughter I find solice, and in your arms I find peace. In your eyes I see kindness, and in your heart nothing but love. And in your embrace, passion that no word can do justice.
With no other have I ever felt these things, and with none other shall I share them. I am yours.....my heart....my soul...my being, and yours alone. I love you Risky."

My Feather Story

Summer 1996
rlp

This is my story about my feathers. It may sound hoakey to some people, but it is real to me. I wrote it when I was still married to Ben.

After Ben's accident, I did not have time to think of me. I just had to focus on taking care of Ben's physical and emotional needs. Things weren't too easy for the first two years. Spring of 1997, the worry was unbelievable. Before Ben's wreck, I had always prayed but felt there was no one on the receiving end. I then changed my prayers to those of thanksgiving that I still had Ben alive and this seemed to calm me and realize that there was more to the scheme of life than I had imagined. But still I worried and prayed for God to just help me get through another day and another night of being awakened four or more times with Ben's pain, nightmares and fears. The marriage was not going good....anything would set Ben off. Well, Ben had bought me a van and I had dropped a cigarette on the carpet between the seats. Realizing that he would be very angry at my not taking care of the van, I decided to go see if I could find a carpet sample to 'cover' the burn plus help avoid more damage later. I was at a stop sign and and praying the carpet sample would work and Ben would not be angry. Then I got to thinking that it was pretty unreasonable of me to ask God to help me in an ordinary daily event that I had caused. Then at the same time, I was thinking about these feathers that a friend had from her pet birds (cockatoos---green, blue, red....BEAUTIFUL FEATHERS!!)...she had so many and really, I was jealous that she had so many feathers. Well, the week before, her husband had found a dead pigeon and plucked the feathers for her. I really thought I could have used some feathers for my baskets and that would be just the thing that would make them special. I was green for those feathers. Then, I got to thinking that I should not have strayed off the subject and that it was pretty rude to be praying one minute and be thinking jealously the next. Well, then I got to the carpet place and got ready to get out of the van. I just said a little prayer that I was sorry for being so selfish and made a 'deal' with God that I would try to have more faith in his decisions for mine and Ben's life if he would just help a LITTLE in showing me the way.

Well, this was a warm spring day with a good breeze when I had gotten into the van. When I stepped out of the van, it was still and there were all these pigeon feathers ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT! I could not believe my luck! I picked them ALL up scouring even under my van. I went in, got my carpet sample. While the lady at the store was in the back getting me the sample, I thought, this is really strange.....was this a sign that God had given me that I should not worry and he would take care of me? I thought, why the heck would God take out time to give me the feathers I so desperately wanted....I am just one person...not even important in the big scheme of the world. I thought, does God REALLY give people signs?? Well, I paid my fifty cents for the sample and go back to my van clutching the feathers I had in one hand and the carpet sample in the other. I get to the van and there are more and more feathers on the ground. I am really getting chills about this but don't say anything to anyone about this because I figured no one would believe me....or at least make fun of my 'sign'.

Well, my prayers changed. All I could think to pray about was how much God had done for me and Ben started changing. I got more sleep. I was only awakened at night sometimes as few as 2 times. Both Ben and I were getting calmer.

A week or so after finding the feathers, I was carrying out the trash thinking about my feathers and hoping I was correct that God had given them to me. I hit the garage door opener, go out and right there are more feathers! Ok, I am feeling good about this.

The next day, I am at the studio making pots and went outside. I can not get God and the feathers off my mind. My pots are sure looking good as I am more rested and happier. I went outside to the courtyard to smoke and there on the ground are more feathers!

Now, I decide I can not take it anymore....I HAVE to tell someone! Well, that evening, I told Ben. Sure enough, he makes fun of me but he is really serious about God and did not dare make fun of God.

Now, we have a Blue Jay in our yard that doesn't fly away every time we are near. He even landed on the grill when I am cooking hamburgers. He has let me touch his 'feet' and even flew into my girl friend's hand. Doing research on what feathers I could legally own and use, I learn that Blue Jay feathers are completely unlawful to even own much less use. But, I got it in my head that I would at least like to have a Blue Jay feather just for me to keep. Well, one day, Ben and I had had an argument and I huffed off. He went outside to water the yard. In a little while, he came in bringing me a Blue Jay feather. I had not verbalized that I wanted one.....I think Ben knew.

Then, I get word that a good friend, Helen has cancer and it is not looking good. It is in the liver. I am friends also with her sister, Alyce and the cancer was hurting Alyce also. I want to tell them about my feathers and tell them to look to God but don't know how to tell them without sounding like some religious fanatic. I was in the shower thinking I could make a little card and draw a feather on the cards but I only had one Blue Jay feather and not only did I not want to give it up, I only had one. Do I give it to Helen or do I give it to Alyce....which one needed it the most. I got finished with my shower and a friend came to visit so we were in the patio. Ben comes in, and said, here, I found these for you......they were TWO MATCHING Blue Jay feathers! Problem solved! (By the way, Helen died but we did get to spend some good time together.) Thank you God.

Ok, now I am getting these feathers. I have a box of them. I find them when I am worried....I hear this message in my heart not to worry when I find them. I am a worrier. I try not to be, but I guess you could say I 'think' heavily....When I went thru my worst part of my depression, I found feathers...this kept me holding on. Ben threw temper tantrums at my being depressed. He would lock me in our bedroom until I 'got better'. I find feathers when I am thinking about life and what do I make of it all. I was thinking the other morning on my walk (I use my time during my walk for my prayers) about just giving in to pressures and not follow my dreams and I hear in my heart not to give up and look down and there is this BEAUTIFUL feather....don't know what kind but it is from a bird that LOOKS like a small eagle feather.....well, if one could get into trouble with a Blue Jay feather, this is BIG TROUBLE in the feather collecting world! A game warden would not only take my feathers, but would slap me with a fine I could never pay if it were an actual eagle feather! Game wardens in this area take this stuff seriously...I once had a friend who had his WHOLE booth confiscated because he had what the game warden thought was an eagle feather....it was actually a chicken feather he had painted to look like an eagle feather. It cost him several thousand dollars in legal fees plus all the lost sales of that particular craft show (he usually made about seven thousand at a show...) Found feathers are treated as unknowns and therefore are illegal to own. One can ONLY have feathers that they purchase and boy you had better have proof. Even a pheasant feather from a legally hunted pheasant is off limits. Those feathers have to be purchased from a legal game bird breeder
or a store that has a license. Even hobby and craft stores home office better have proof where they got the feathers. Well, that is the case here in Texas.

Legal or illegal, I have my feathers. They are precious to me.

Well, the moral of the story is, I get feathers given to me by God as I need them. Sometimes I don't know what the feather means. Sometimes the feathers are really dirty...but I take them anyway. I feel this is my special gift to me. All I have to do to feel calm and loved is look at my feather collection. I want to make something out of my feathers someday, but will make it when I feel the time is right.

Footnote and update, January 3, 2002:

I have shared my feather story with my brother Oren a few years ago. He believed me but we haven't spoken about it in a long time. I was watching a show a few months ago about a young girl who grew up in unbelievably hard circumstances. Worse than what I had to go through. This girl still loved her parents and harbored no ill feelings for them. You could see it in her eyes...she truly forgave them. Well, it hit me really right between the eyes. In an instant I forgave my parents. I still have the memories, and sometimes they are sad, but I truly don't have the hate in my heart anymore towards them. God gave me this in a instant with no thunderclaps or lightning....just a PEACE in my heart.

A week later, I called Oren to tell him about the tv show and my forgiveness and peace. He listened intently and was truly happy for me. Then he said to hang on....he was in their spare bedroom where his wife Sharon has her treadmill....he then got back on the phone and said, "You aren't going to believe this Ruth...I just looked down and found a feather on Sharon's treadmill." Oren was so excited that he has his first feather and that God's miracle for me had spread to him. I hope he finds a million feathers.

I have a dear friend Brenda with whom I shared my feather story. She gets feathers also. She has found the peace in them.

Footnote and update, December 4, 2005

Oren, Brenda and I still get feathers. They still are important to me.

Sensual vs. Insatiable

I asked a friend once what was the difference between sensual and insatiable. I liked his answer:

"A lot of diffrance between sensual and insatiable. Sensual knows how to excite and please. Insatiable wants lots of sex. The two do not have to go together, but a wonderful combination when they do."

Do It!!!

Jan 6, 2005
rlp

Here's to it
and from it
and to it again.
If you ever get to it
to do it.
Then do it.
You may never get to it
to do it again.

Sticks and Stones

This is from a friend up in Saskatoon....Have chatted with this dear friend for several years. He wears his heart on his sleeve and loves way too fast....but no matter the hurt, he survives. The main thing here is that yes, two people can become friends despite having never met. Isn't this what penpals have done over the years? What makes it different when it's on the internet?

Posted by h2h on Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 06:42:12 :

OH My!!!!!! Risky, you sweet lady friend will always be at the top of "who I my admire most" list. You listened and never judged and always were a friend. You stayed when others left. But most of all you made me feel the love of a friend I have never met. The thing that so many on here do not realize is possible. It can be just fantasy but it can also be very very real. Some people do not know that " Sticks and stones break bones but words can rip a heart out" love ya Risky one *HUGS*

-- h2h

Fire Inside

Some of these things I post are just to show that ordinary people have passion...ordinary people love and live.... My ultimate goal is to show all the parts of me and then self publish these writings so that my grand daughters and future generations will know who I am....that I have lived and loved and had happy and sad times....so that they will know what I meant to another person... The passion in this poem written to me is so awesome! That I've been loved is a sweet memory. That I will be loved again is a distant hope that just doesn't seem real. Maybe some day...


Fire Inside
There is a fire within us..
that only needs a touch to bring forth flame.
Passion ignites...
when I hear you whisper my name.
My body shivers... oh...
but not from cold...
but from the sweet anticipation...
of a desire that never seems to grow old.

I lay my head upon your chest..
kiss your skin softly.
I breathe in the scent of you...
it intoxicates me like wine...
making my senses whirl...
or maybe it is the way your hands...
are softly caressing my back...
making me melt...
yet every nerve is tingling...
with the need of you.

You gently lift me up and softly kiss my forehead
Sending chills all down my spine
Can't wait the anticipation...
Softly kiss up your body gently caress our lips...
My body fills with excitement and anticipation
Hands roaming each others bodies
Feeling the silkiness of your skin

My heart starts pounding from pleasure
As your fingers run over my treasures
Gently sliding the key in as you begin to turn
Gently stroking my body
OHHHH MY GOD is all I could whisper...
Our passion increases...
Our souls ignited...
You lower down and kiss me passionately
and I know I am in Heaven
For I saw the flames burning in your eyes

What are the odds.....

Have you ever stopped to think what it took to put people in your life in front of you? How many millions of people had to meet to make JUST YOU? Blows your mind. I do look at this pathway. I remember from my teen years reading about even picking up a pebble on the beach changes your life....just think about what your path would be if you hadn't picked up the pebble and had paused for that second.....or....why it is what it is now that you picked up the pebble. What would your life have been if you had not had those people in it? How did they get here?