Toooooo much animal planet for that kid....

Megan was watching the beginning of the new hospital show called Hopkins. There was a sick baby whose doctor was running some tests. Meg asked what was wrong with the baby. I told her that it sounded like they were saying there is something wrong with his heart. Meg asked me, in all seriousness, "so does that mean they are going to euthanize him?'

Attitude

I was sent this...author unknown....

ATTITUDE There once was a woman who woke up one morning,looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.' So she did and had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up,looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. 'Hm m,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.' So she did and had a grand day.

The next day she woke up,looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail. 'So she did and had a fun, fun day. The next day she woke up,looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. 'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'

Attitude is everything. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly.... Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.... It's about learning to dance in the rain.

The need to be touched

An elderly nursing home patient wears a button stating:

"Touch me. Wrinkles aren't catching!"

Bad Obituary Gone Wrong

I had to give an example to a friend of an obituary and how I wanted it laid out and came up with the following one. Once I got started, I couldn't stop. It's funny to me...may not be funny to anyone else in the world.

When I visit our cemetery that I'm helping to photo enumerate, I am struck by all the perfect people. Not one headstone says anything differently. All the deceased were angels incarnate, loving husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, children. All will be missed. Some of them were so saintly in their lives, the headstones purport the deceased to be sitting up in heaven at the right hand of Jesus. It's sort of like the phenomenon of little old ladies who were bitches in life and become saintly little old ladies in their elder years.

City Daily News
6 Nov 1945

Joe Blow, 79 Died Thursday

Joe Blow, 79 died Thursday at home. He was not a saint or a perfect man. He didn't make it as a husband, father, brother, friend but was a success as an enemy and all around jerk. The world seldom sees perfect jerks, but Joe Blow was one.

He worked for 45 years for Jerks Unlimited in their public relations department. He was successful in training 544 additional Jerks for his company and excelled in 'Speed Training for Jerks'. He will be remembered for many years as the man who could give a boot suppository faster than anyone of the company in history. Upon speaking with a spokesperson with the company, a little history was given.

He was notorious for being rude, crude and ill-mannered. One of his most prized possessions was a gigantic bucket of screws he so readily and happily put to each and everyone he met. He didn't discriminate who he put the screws to, he joyfully put them to all that knew him and a plethora of people he never met. His motto was 'a day without a screw was a day without sunshine'. He was honored by his peers at the time for his books he wrote, 'Shafts-R-Us' and 'Make Em Squirm' that sold exactly 544 copies each. He was in the final writings of his soon to be released book, 'Up Yours' will be released in the fall.

Surviving are his three ex-wives, his estranged children and many, many ex-acquaintences and former colleagues, all who do not want to be mentioned by name. He will not be missed by all.

He will be buried in City Cemetery with a 16 Boot Salute if eight people can be found to do this tribute. His headstone will be in the shape of a boot with an eternal torch burning out of the toe so that everyone will know and understand true meaning of 'jerkhoodism'.

My comment on naked men photos in general

We women get them all the time if she is corresponding with a man who is interested in dating/laying/getting blown by that woman. We call them ‘dickpics’. The funny thing about it is that for some reason, men are so proud of their penises. You wouldn’t believe how many we receive….how many poses….how many variations. Anyway, of course these particular dickpics usually are taken to maximize the size of the man’s penis. Now, we women believe that the man is wanting us to admire their appendage and drool and thereby jump at the chance to have a more personal or should I say ‘in person’ experience with said penis. Sometimes it all depends on how the photo was sent to us….if sent unannounced and unwanted, it’s pretty much a turnoff. Sometimes it’s just plain laughable. Sort of like ‘look Mommie what I did/have’. I don’t know if men get photos of women in this same manner or not.

Ok, now to our reactions: There is a part of us who have been raised to be ‘good girls’ that feel like we shouldn’t be looking at the photos. There’s a part of us who also think most generally all dickpics look alike….(you’ve seen one…you’ve seen them all type of thing). However, I would argue profusely that women DO like looking at penises. I don’t care what kind of ‘prude’ she is…we are just curious at the ‘forbidden’. I have friends who are about as prude as they can get but I KNOW they will look…..I’ve sent them some in the past and they look…..several times at least. The photos generally are tantalizing. ( I did have one man send me a photo of his and it was obviously diseased with all kinds of lesions on it and it absolutely grossed me out….NO WAY was I going to meet THAT man! Whew!) I can’t say exactly where the tantalizing feelings begin. For a woman who likes oral sex, I’d have to say it starts the mouth drooling and tingling. Then next would be deep inside her itching to have it inside. Then and only then does the woman contemplate the rest of the whole sexual experience….kissing….fondling…feeling skin against skin. Odd huh? I would suppose that it’s all an animal instinct. The brain is saying ‘let the arousal begin’!

With the internet and digital photos, the sheer number of dickpics are enormous yet I (or any of my friends) have never found a website just for women….photos of naked men and all their glory. I personally would have a webpage just for this if I knew of a website that I could have for free and these photos would be accepted. The issue of having the man’s face in the photo comes into play. Even with millions of people on the internet daily, having such a website still doesn’t seem anonymous. Cunundrum.

Of course the first reaction to these photos sent us is a bit shocking. That’s part of the thrill I guess. If the photos are of a lover or friend, I would say they are more precious to us. If we were the photographer, these photos are just plain over the top as to desirablility. We just like them. I’ve never seen a ‘perfect’ dickpic but then I haven’t seen them all to date. What makes a ‘perfect dickpic’? I won’t know until I see it. I would say that photos that show all the man along with the eyes and seeing desire in those eyes are more powerful than just his penis. However, even a photo of a man without his penis showing who is in a sexy pose is just as arousing to us as the above. Maybe these latter photos make us wonder and stirs our minds into overdrive.

Well, this is my take on the subject. Just my observation from my personal thoughts on the subject. May or may not be the opinion of women as a whole, but I’d bet it’s more accurate than not.