Insights to What/Whom I Need In My Life

A little over a year ago, I asked a very good friend of mine to tell me what sort of man would be the perfect man for me. I thought it would make my life simpler to have a 1, 2, 3 sort of blueprint list that I could check off and be able to accept or reject any possible man who comes into my life. This friend knows me inside and out. I don't think there is a thought I've had, have, or will have that he isn't aware of...good and bad. He's a loyal friend with insights that border on the epiphanies of life. I had saved what he wrote and I guess promptly forgot about it. Now, a year later, all he told me is as true today as it was a year ago. I read his words and think, geeze...if such a man existed, he must be one hell of a man...till I realized...I'm one hell of a woman! I give as good as I get...and if such a man gave me what I need, he would get a bargain at half the price. My friend didn't hold back any punches....and he is oh so directly on target:

'Ruth,
Thank you for sharing with me. It sounds as though you've out grown
JD...and all other men like him. In out growing that sort of 'man' you have yet to adjust your template for what you want in a man, hence your asking me for your perfect man...you recognize the need for a 'template' by which you can 'fit' a man to your needs, desires, wants, goals. Not an easy task for the best of us, much less your humble servant. Frankly, I cannot provide you with that template because to do so would be to firstly, provide you with goals that may not be yours, however insightful they may be, if you don't 'own' the goals, they aren't yours. Secondly, as much as I am able to share your feelings, I am not you and can only provide you with my own view rather than that internal viewpoint that counts...your own. I can offer some small insights into who 'you' are though and in doing so, perhaps provide you some input for what a man would be like who would not only tolerate you, but desire, love, cherish who you are.
Here we go:

1. He must be tolerant of your foibles and kinks, not only sexual but your 'groove' in life. You are, as they say, 'set in your ways' as most of us are at this age. We don't like change much and tolerate our nests being disturbed even less.

2. He must appreciate your many gifts and recognize as you do that they are from God and being so, precious and sacred. These gifts include your love of family, your creative talents, and yes, your sexuality.

3. He must provide you with that sense of security that you so desperately need and desire. Security for you is measured, not necessarily by dollars, but rather by a mate's willingness to travel the road with you, including the frequent pauses for fucking each others brains out.

4. He must share your theology. You have no idea how important sharing the same view of God and the universe is in a relationship. This is the single most ignored, sloughed off, disregarded aspect of a relationship in our secular age, yet, if you do not share God, then you will not be sharing in each other.

5. He must, having recognized numbers 2-4, treasure you as a blessing in his life and become a blessing in yours in all the same dimensions.

6. He must have the ability to sit you down and call you on matters, then be able to work through them with you in humility with love. A mate who can't call you on things is worthless. So are friends.

7. He must be physically capable of meeting most of your sexual needs, though those would diminish considerably (IMHO) were the above items tended to and met. He can't be a slouch in the fucking department in any event.

8. He must be honest both with you and with himself and with God. That doesn't mean he is George Washington, what it does mean is he's wiling to suffer being caught and repent and forgive in humility, same as you do.

9. He must have humility. This is a tough one as we all struggle for survival using our egos as our chief survival tool. This is not to say he should be with out pride or self love, that, as you know, is necessary in order to proper love others, but he must be willing to admit error and ask for your love in spite of it.

10. He must love you, see Corinthians.

End of description