Will there be pizza in heaven?

More than ten years ago, my friend who taught mentally handicapped children was asked by one of her students, 'Miss, will there be pizza in heaven?' She responded to the teenager, 'There will be whatever you want to be in your heaven.'

I think of this often. Thinking back to my childhood and knowing that my favorite doll would be with me in heaven...I even went so far as to imagine, plan and plot what all would be in my coffin with me so that they could go to heaven with me.

Now, more than 50 years later, I think about my heaven...here on earth and in the afterlife. What things do we gather about us now that give us comfort, sustain us and inspire us? I live alone and most likely will live this way for the rest of my life. Sure, there is my daughter/step children and there are my grand children and most certainly there may be friends and lovers come in and out of my life, but ultimately I am totally alone.

People talk about how time flies and how much faster it flies as one ages. When you are alone, time creeps by second by second...sometimes nanosecond by nanosecond. I don't like it but I live it. I don't have a clue what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.

I have pared down my possessions to a semimanageable amount. I have things on my walls and on shelves that give me comfort. I have things on my shelves and in boxes and baskets of writings and genealogy that I want to 'get done'. They are in the same places that they were 5 years ago. I still look around and want to get rid of more. We come in this world with nothing...we leave with nothing. Sometimes I think I want to just get rid of every single item. Then times I think of what is the bare minimum I would keep...what if there was a tornado or disaster that I would need to gather with me my most important possessions?

The most important question I think I need to ask myself is what do I need to sustain myself. Do I want to be inspired? Do I just want to close up and hibernate to myself till the end of my life? Something tells me it's going to be a long dang lifetime. Do I venture out and get inspired? I know me...I would want to share that inspiration. At this point in my life, I'm tired of opening up to another person and sharing my mind and heart. And, yet, here I am writing my words to a vast impersonalble internet in a blog. Is this how a hermit begins?