Chronic Pain

Chronic pain sure is a loose blanket for a lot of conditions. Chronic pain usually can't be seen but until a person experiences it, he/she can believe it is a bunch of bunk or at the very least, that the person who has it is faking it. When I was younger, I had a back injury. Always before, I thought others were faking it when they had a 'back injury'.

My doctor put me to bed right off when I hurt my back. Only years later did I realize that this was the worst think he could have done for me. I got 'stove up' and couldn't move....couldn't breathe normally half of the time...I would hold my breath inbetween stabs of pain. It didn't go away right away as had other illnesses I'd had in my life. It permeated my whole body....my dreams while asleep...it would wake me up in the middle of the night. I got so guarded in my movements and any activity I would attempt to 'do'.

I went to 'back injury' doctors who wanted to just give me a shot of cortizone or wanted to perform surgery. I knew people who had the cortizone shots come back on them years later with knots under their skin, usually the feet and hands that had to be cut out. I knew people who had the surgery only to either be in worse shape afterwards or had to continue more surgeries. I was going to have none of this. Therefore, I was given physical therapy. At first I thought it was torture and/or just a racket. Getting me moving was the best for me and it eventually worked.

I met all types of people taking physical therapy who admitted that they were milking the system. One of the things we were supposed to learn in this physical therapy was to 'learn to live with the pain'. In this physical therapy, a doctor I knew came and gave us a talk about chronic pain. When he described how the person with true chronic pain would actually have the pain waken them. This was a relief to know I wasn't imagining the pain. However, the one thing he did say really put things into perspective: 'When a person with chronic pain is told to learn to live with the pain, subconscously their mind is desceminating that either you live with the pain or die without pain. Having this learning to live with the pain and the pain not subsiding will throw a person into a depression thinking life with pain is hopeless.' This statement made all the difference of how I thought about my pain. I was determined to live past the pain and recover from the back injury. It took 5 years to heal but I will never forget this reasoning. For me it was true.

My back injury was when I was in my early 40s. Other than this injury, I have been lucky in my life since I had been 13 years old to lead a relatively healthy life. However, the day I turned 55 was when my body went to hell in a handbasket. Not one morning do I wake up that something doesn't hurt! One day it might be my neck. This might last for weeks or months or even just one day. Next, it would be my knee...or my foot....or an elbow....never the same place. If it did last for a long period of time, by the time I would think it was a real problem and make an appointment with my doctor, it would suddenly disappear on the day of my appointment.

This past year, along came arthritis in my life. Primarily in my left hand and wrist. Sometimes in my right hand and wrist but not to the extent is is in my left hand. Nothing in my life had begun to prepare me for this kind of deep bone permeating pain that I have. On some days I'd gladly trade this pain for childbirth. (Of course nothing prepares a person to the pain of childbirth.) I've always been a strong person, especially with my hands. Over thirty years of working in clay gave me muscles in my hands to the point that I could open any jar....grasp any task. Not with arthritis. Some days it's too painful to even hold a piece of paper. I have learned from my back injury that I must keep moving. I must keep using my hands. The pain is still here whether I keep them still or whether I continue to use my hands. I do find I limit my activities when I'm having a flareup but eventually I push on and get to moving.

My mind rejects learning to live with this pain. I want it gone! My daughter has this same arthritis and has had for over 5 years. I hope my granddaughters don't have it in their later lives. At least it will be a part of their medical history to watch out for.

Growing old just ain't for sissies!